


Blinded by the Colors

by FallingLikeThis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: A&E, Alternate Timeline, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Bathroom Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon Divergent, Canon compliant-ish, Clubbing, Depressed Louis Tomlinson, Emotional Hurt, Erratic Driving, Family, Friendship, It's A Wonderful Life AU, Lilo friendship, Louis Tomlinson-centric, M/M, Mistakes, OT5 Friendship (One Direction), Pining, Rebuilding, backstage at a fashion show, brief mentions of Jay - Freeform, mentions of alternate universe Ziam, x-factor mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27816550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingLikeThis/pseuds/FallingLikeThis
Summary: After a heated fight with Harry, a maudlin, inebriated Louis Tomlinson questions his presence in his boyfriend's life. In fact, maybe all of One Direction would be better off if Louis had never been put in the band to begin with.He never expected to wake up in a world where that's exactly what happened.Or an It's A Wonderful Life Au where Louis Tomlinson realizes just how important he really is.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 173
Kudos: 222





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Happy 12 days of Christmas! I'll be posting a chapter a day until December 25th. If you choose to go on this journey with me, thank you so much! Chapters will probably be around 1k each, give or take.
> 
> Title is from Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves.

Louis Tomlinson sits at the hotel bar all decked out in holiday decorations in the trendiest part of L.A. and bemoans his life choices. He rests his head on his arms, eyes closed to stop the room from spinning after his third whiskey sour and his… fifth shot of Patron? He thinks it was five shots. He can’t really remember at this point. Oh, and that pretty blue drink that the bartender offered him for free after Louis spilled his sob story (with only the vaguest of details, of course).

“You want another?” the voice of the bartender, Clarence, sounding tired but also mildly concerned, hovers over him.

Louis waves him away without looking up. He regrets everything right now. Sure, he’d felt good after the first few drinks. Kind of floaty and far away from his problems. Festive even, enjoying the lights strung up over the bar and the little Christmas tree in the corner. He should have stopped drinking then. But he didn’t and now he’s in mopey drunk territory, all the things he was running from bearing down on him and making him want to drop from the bar all the way down to the floor. Luckily, he’s still got enough sense not to do that. That would look just great when it inevitably ended up on the cover of every tabloid on the planet.

He’s just tired, is this thing. Louis feels like he’s been running a gauntlet for the last ten years and he’s ready to be done with it. There have been so many times when he’d thought he was through it, that he’d finally won, only for someone to appear in front of him with another shit contract and say, “oh no, lad, you’ve got a few more hoops to jump through yet.”

He’s always been good at bolstering himself for the hard stuff, convincing himself that he was strong enough to make it through, telling himself that he couldn’t give up. Not when he was  _ so close _ to something great. And the times when he couldn’t quite make himself believe it, he had someone else there give him that little extra push that he needed. A Niall or Liam to laugh with and get him in gear. A Zayn to commiserate with when everything seemed too fast and too much. A  _ Harry _ to fill him with confidence and love, and see him through his self-doubt. His mum, always ready to listen and give advice but also knowing when that advice just needed to be a simple “suck it up”.

He’s lost some of them now. And his hold on the ones he has left seems tentative at best these days. They’ve all gone in separate directions and they were supposed to meet back in the middle at some point but that day keeps getting further and further away from the looks of things and Louis just wants to go back. He wants to go back to the days when he was living out of his best friend’s pockets, when things were simpler and he could manage to answer at least a few questions in an interview before he got to one where he had to tell a lie, when he had the love of his life right beside him and not a thousand miles away where they have to sneak around just to see each other.

He doesn’t suppose Harry wants to see him now, though. Not after the fight they had a few hours ago. Honestly, on days like today, he wonders why Harry stays with him. He’d be so much better off without Louis and all of this stunting bullshit that he keeps having to do. The whole band probably would have been better off without him. Maybe they would have lasted longer without Louis’ frenetic energy and loud need for attention, maybe they wouldn’t have worn down so quickly. Zayn might have stayed without Louis there to encourage his growing loathing about the merch and the repeated interview questions. He’d honestly thought they were just getting out their grievances to each other, he hadn’t known he was helping Zayn put more bricks in the wall he was building between himself and the band. Maybe they would still be one big happy family if Louis had just never auditioned for The X Factor in the first place.

Sometimes Louis wishes he had a time machine so he could go back and change things. Make it all better for everyone involved. He thinks he’d like to see that. His friends together and happy again. Is that so much to ask for? Can he just have that for his birthday this year? He’s always hated combined birthday/Christmas gifts but he’ll accept one this year, gladly. It makes him sad too, knowing that he wouldn’t be a part of it, but it’d make him happy to see them happy, he thinks. That’s what love is, right? Being willing to give up your happiness for someone else’s? And Louis loves those boys a whole lot.

A simple turn of the clock. That’s all he needs. 

With a groan, Louis lifts his head from his arms and reaches for his wallet. He throws some cash on the bar, probably way too much but he’ll consider it a tip for putting up with his mopey, sappy ass. Nobody deserves to have to see that. He wobbles and teeters his way to the elevator and up to the room he was supposed to be sharing with Harry this weekend and falls into an empty bed.

Kicking off his shoes, he rolls onto Harry’s side and pushes his face into the pillow before sighing in disappointment. Harry didn’t even have the decency to leave the scent of his stupidly expensive shampoo behind for Louis to wallow in. Prat.

Louis squeezes his eyes shut so that the traitorous things don’t start tearing up on him, his mind a whirl of guilt and fear. Maybe he really did it this time. Maybe Harry’s left him, too fed up with the tangled web of contracts and lies that Louis can’t seem to find his way out of.

Try as he might to stop it, tears start to stain Harry’s pillow, urged on by the ache that never seems to fade from Louis’ chest. He just… he wishes things were different. He wishes there was a way to change it all. To protect Harry’s heart from all the damage he’s done to it, to give Niall back the found family he’d had within the band, to give Liam more time to find himself before he’d been forced to venture out on his own. To let Zayn know that his decision to leave didn’t have to tear apart their friendship.

Louis falls asleep shrouded in wishes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it. Thank you for starting this journey with me.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for brief mentions of the loss of Jay this chapter.

The familiar, dreadful notes of  Marimba ringing in Louis’ ears bring him back to wakefulness. He hates that alarm. Or maybe he just avoids it because Harry hates it. He’s definitely not enjoying it right now. He doesn’t even remember setting an alarm.

He slams his hand down over his phone on the nightstand, trying in vain to swipe the alarm away with his eyes closed.

“Shut up,” he mutters to it. His hand fumbles and the phone falls to the floor, still trilling annoyingly. Louis groans, peering over the side of his bed. The numbers 5:31 glare up at him in the darkness.  _ Why the fuck does he have an alarm for half five in the bloody morning?  _ Begrudgingly, he reaches for the phone, picking it up and finally shutting off that god awful music. With a sigh of relief, he places the phone back on his night stand and rolls over. It’s officially his birthday. He’s got nowhere to be today, except right where he is with Harry. Only, as he reaches across the bed, slowly opening his eyes, Louis realizes that Harry isn’t there. Just as he feared, Harry probably never came back last night.

Louis squeezes his eyes shut again. The unsteady feeling in his chest is like an old friend by now, he’s been on shaky footing for so long. He’s almost ready to just give up and go back to sleep, waste the day away in bed. But then his phone rings, some song he’s never heard of playing as the ringtone. One of his siblings must have gotten ahold of it when he’d visited last week and changed it.

Lottie’s name and a profile picture of her that he doesn’t remember taking light up his screen, urging him to answer. “Lots, hey,” he greets, relieved that it’s the one sibling who knows everything that goes on in his life. He knows he’s going to be a miserable bastard until he sees Harry again today and when she inevitably asks what’s wrong, he won’t have to lie to her. His younger siblings just don’t understand the need for secrecy yet so they don’t know everything and Louis hates it. He knows they’re not going to be happy with him when they find out. It’s just one more thing that he wishes he could change.

“Hey, birthday boy,” Lottie says, not sounding much more awake than Louis is. “Sorry I can’t let you sleep in. I just called to make sure you’re up so you’ll be here in time to pick me up.”

“Pick you up?” Louis asks, incredibly confused. “Wait, you’re in London?”

“London?” Lottie scoffs. “Did you start celebrating early?” She sighs heavily into his ear. “Louis, you should have at least waited until tonight for that. Are you still drunk? Do I need to find another ride?”

“What? No. I’m fine,” Louis answers, only realizing as he says it that he actually is. No headache, no dry-mouth or nausea. It’s like he didn’t go on a lonely, drunken bender last night at all.

“Then, what are you talking about London for? We’re in Donny, dumbarse.”

“Donny?” Louis questions softly, looking around his room and truly taking everything in for the first time since he’s woken up. With a jolt, Louis realizes that he has no idea where he is. This is not the hotel room he fell asleep in. It’s a bedroom, sure, but it’s messy and lived in and he doesn’t know how he got here. His mind is racing as his eyes shoot from one spot to the next, trying to figure out why they don’t recognize what they’re seeing.

“Lou,” Lottie’s hesitant voice breaks through his thoughts. “Are you okay?”

She sounds so concerned, like maybe she thinks her brother has truly lost it, and Louis has to force himself to pull it together. For her sake, he can push the weirdness aside and pretend like everything’s okay. He’s used to being strong for everyone else. It’s being strong for himself that he tends to need help with.

“Yeah. I’m fine, love,” he tells her, chuckling softly and hoping it's believable, “guess I just thought I was still dreaming for a second there.”

“Oh,” Lottie laughs at him too. “Well, wake up, sleepyhead. You have a little over an hour to get here so get moving.”

“Sure, sure.” Louis scratches his head. “Um, sorry. I’m still a little foggy. Where am I picking you up?”

“Ha. Ha,” Lottie mutters, the  tinge of sarcasm to her words. “It’s not nice reminding me I’m back to living at home with Dan and the little ones while you’re doing so well striking out on your own, big brother.”

“No, Lottie, I swear. I didn’t mean any harm,” Louis says sincerely, worried he’s hurt his sister’s feelings without meaning to. He doesn’t even have time to register the surge of sadness that he feels when Lottie mentions their step-dad but not their mum.

“Yeah, whatever. Be here in an hour.”

Louis flinches when she hangs up on him. He definitely hurt her feelings. And the fresh pain of knowing he’s still lost his mum is only making him feel worse.

Louis drops his phone to the bed while he runs a hand down his face wearily. He opens his eyes and is struck again by how unfamiliar this place is to him. He doesn’t recognize pretty much anything he sees. Even his phone isn’t  _ his phone _ . A lot of it looks like things Louis  _ would _ own though, so he gets out of bed with a weird sense of vertigo, if that’s even really the word for what he’s feeling. He’s so off-kilter, he’s not even sure anymore.

With a morbid sense of curiosity, Louis walks the entirety of the flat he’s woken up in. He hesitates to call it his though he knows it must be when he finds his wallet on the bedside table and pictures of his family on the walls. Even the nearly untouched kitchen lends itself to the idea that this place must belong to Louis. He’s never been much of a cook.

It’s a nice flat, though nothing spectacular. It’s small, enough for one person with room for a guest on the sofa. Back in the bedroom, Louis finds the wardrobe full of  T-shirts and jeans on one side and collared shirts and slacks on the other , a few suits, but no Gucci, no Burberry. Louis blinks at the clothes, then turns and blinks at the rest of the room. Is this his wish? Did… did he wake up in a world where he was never a part of One Direction? His heart clenches at the thought. If it’s true, then that means that none of the boys know him anymore. He’s not a part of their lives and they aren’t a part of his. Louis’ legs suddenly feel weak. He actually falls to his knees, staring unseeing straight ahead.  _ What did he do?? _

Before he can spiral too far into anxiety or depression or whatever he feels starting to curl around his spine, the ping of a message on his phone has him coming back to himself, turning to see his phone, still sitting on his bed. He pushes himself off of his knees and walks over to pick the phone up. A message from Lottie awaits him.

**Half an hour. Hope you’re on the way.**

Taking a deep breath, Louis decides that now is not the time to lose it. Lottie needs him. He rolls his shoulders, drops his phone back on the bed and turns to choose some clothes from the wardrobe. He puts on a  band t-shirt that looks comfortable  and a black pair of jeans , pulls on some socks and  beat-up skater shoes he finds under the edge of his bed , grabs his wallet and walks towards the front door. He fumbles when it comes to finding his keys but locates them in a bowl on the table next to the front door. Grabbing a jacket from the hook on the wall at the last second, he runs out the door and, only after pushing the button on his keyfob, finds a blue SUV that appears to belong to him.

Once he’s seated in the car, keys in the ignition, hands on the steering wheel, Louis is gripped by panic when he realizes that he has no idea where his family lives in this universe. Certainly not the house he bought them with the money he made from his boyband days. But they also couldn’t possibly be in the same house he grew up in. Not if his mother still met and married Dan. Not if she’d still had Ernie and Doris.

“Oh god,” Louis whispers, covering his mouth with his hand in fear. Did his mum still have Ernie and Doris?? What if by wishing himself into this existence, he’d wished them out of it? He wracks his brain, close to tears as he mentally goes through the pictures on his walls to try and find them in his memory. When he can’t remember, he pulls out his phone and starts scrolling through the pictures in it. “Oh my god,” he breathes when  _ there _ , in the third picture he sees, is a smiling face framed by red curls. Doris. She’s leaning over Louis’ back, his own smiling face staring back at him too. The very next picture is Ernest making a funny face at the camera. Louis stares at it for a minute, ignoring the relieved tears that slip down his cheeks.

His phone pings and a message pops up.

**15 minutes. You better not make me late, Louis.**

Louis takes a deep breath and wipes at his face. He still doesn’t know where he’s going but there’s a GPS in the car. He checks the saved destinations and, luckily, there’s one for “Mum and Dan’s”. Hopefully it’s still correct. Swallowing what’s left of the panic that’s been sitting in his throat, Louis starts the car.

He’s got a lot of adjusting to do but he’ll do it. Because this is apparently his life now. The Louis Tomlinson of this world was never in One Direction. He got his wish.


	3. Three

Lottie steps out of the house the moment she sees Louis at the kerb but despite him being seven minutes late, she isn’t hurried. She walks at her regular pace. She looks mostly the same but she’s not wearing as much makeup as she used to. It occurs to Louis that she hasn’t grown up with Lou and Sam Teasdale around to give her makeup tips. And she probably can’t afford the expensive stuff that Louis used to buy for her. She’s still beautiful. She always will be, it’s genetics, but Louis is just now realizing how many lives he’s changed with his wish. Lottie should be travelling the world and promoting her own make-up line right now, but instead she’s living with their step-dad and youngest siblings, needing her brother to give her a ride to her job. A job that he has no idea of the location of.

Louis unstraps his seatbelt and opens his door, getting out of the car.

“There’s no time for a visit, Lou. You’re late.” Lottie says, looking none too impressed with him.

“Actually. I wondered if you might want to drive to make up for it,” Louis answers, dangling his keys from his fingers. 

Lottie narrows her eyes at him, studying him suspiciously. “You never offer to let me drive.”

Louis shrugs at his sister. “First time for everything.”

“Fine,” she says snatching his keys like she’s afraid he’s going to withdraw the offer, “but I’m still not thrilled with you.”

Louis sighs, moving around the car to take the passenger seat. “Look Lottie, I’m really sorry. I wasn’t trying to give you shit for moving back,” Louis states as he sits, pulling the door shut and reaching for his safety belt. “Honestly, uh, I’ve been having a little trouble remembering things today. Think I must’ve hit me head or something.”

“What? _Lou_ ,” Lottie turns to him, worry clear in her eyes as she reaches to prod at Louis’ head. “Do you need to go to A&E?”

“No, no.” Louis ducks her hands. “I’m okay. I think. Doesn’t even really hurt. I just… I feel like I’m waking up from a dream where I had a whole other life, you know? It’s weird and I just… I don’t even know how to describe it, Lots. Just… be patient with me, alright?”

Lottie stares at him. “I’m taking you to A&E.”

“ _No_ ,” Louis protests. “Please, Lottie. I’m fine.”

She bites her lip, still staring. “Fine. But I don’t like it.”

Louis lets out a heavy breath of relief, finally relaxing back into his seat. “Thank you.” He gestures vaguely out the window, “now, don’t you have somewhere to be?”

Lottie stares at him for another moment and Louis worries that she’s not really going to let it go but a second later, she’s turning and starting the car, heading back the way Louis came. Her gaze flits from the road to glance over Louis’ outfit. “You’re wearing that to work today?”

“I’m…” Louis pauses, looking down at his outfit. He realizes that he has no idea what he does in this universe. Is he a teacher? A banker? A mortician? He doesn’t fucking know. “I dunno. Is this wrong?”

“Oh, _Lou_ ,” Lottie breathes, taking a sharp turn that Louis wasn’t expecting, the force of it throwing him against the window.

“Holy shit, Lottie. What are you doing?” Louis asks, heart racing in his chest as Lottie speeds down the street.

“Taking you to A & E.” She points her finger in his face without taking her eyes off the road. “No arguments.”

“Wha--?” Louis isn’t even sure what to say. He _could_ argue but he’s not sure it would help anything. And if he goes along with it, maybe he can get away with waiting to figure out where the hell he works and just take the rest of the day easy. It’s been pretty stressful already. He could probably use the rest of the day to himself. He sighs, giving in. “Fine.”

“Good.”

*

Louis sits through the poking and prodding in A & E and answers the doctor’s questions as best he can.

“Have you had a head injury recently?” The doctor asks while she checks the dilation of Louis’ pupils.

“Not that I remember,” Louis answers with a nervous shrug. He’s worried he’s going to say something that will make him sound absolutely mental. Honestly, he’s felt a little like he’s losing his mind ever since he woke up.

“What?” Lottie squawks from her chair next to the examination bed he’s sitting on. “I thought you said you had.”

“I said ‘I must’ve’ because I don’t know what else could cause memory loss like this. But I don’t feel anything,” Louis corrects for the doctor’s benefit.

The doctor hums to herself while she pockets her flashlight and moves to prod a Louis’ skull with her fingertips. “Any tenderness?”

“No _p_ e.”

“Hmm,” the doctor hums again, lowering her hands to gently prod at the sides of his neck. “Raise your hands for me.”

Louis raises his hands palm up until they’re in front of his chest. The doctor grasps both hands, flipping them over and straightening Louis’ fingers. He lets her, keeping very still while she studies his fingers.

“What are you doing?” Lottie asks, watching with concern.

“Checking for tremors. It’s a symptom of hyperthyroidism,” the doctor murmurs, backing away from Louis and resting her hands on her hips. She looks him up and down for a moment with determination written clearly on her face. He is a puzzle and she wants to figure him out. “Do you drink?”

“Only socially.” Usually.

“Any emotional distress recently?”

Louis snorts. “Not that I remember. Beyond, you know, not remembering things,” he lies. What affected him in his past, his home universe, can’t be counted here, right?

The doctor squints her eyes at him. “Vegan?”

That has Louis actually laughing. “No offense to vegans but I don’t think I could survive without meat.”

“You’d be surprised,” the doctor smirks. ”At any rate, I think we should check for Vitamin B-12 deficiency. It’s a simple blood test to confirm but we’ll need to schedule it for another day. You’ll need to make sure that you don’t eat beforehand and that you’re well hydrated, okay.”

“Yes, doctor. Thank you,” Louis smiles sweetly. He’s just grateful to be able to leave.

He makes his appointment and then without bothering to leave the building, drags Lottie to find food. She’s called them both out of work for the day so they have nowhere to be and Louis is starving. During their search for food they bypass a newsagents on the second floor. Louis doubles-takes and turns back, nearly falling on his face when his feet get tangled from the sudden change. There, right up front, is a magazine with Harry boldly displayed across the cover. He’s got short hair again and he’s in a black suit jacket with a white shirt underneath. Nothing as adventurous as _Louis’_ Harry likes to wear, but he looks beautiful nonetheless.

Louis grabs the magazine down, staring at the photo. Harry really is a sight for sore eyes. Louis’ only been away from him for a day, not even a full day, and already he misses Harry terribly. He runs his fingers lovingly over the photo. His heart is so full because Harry is still the star that Louis always knew he would be. He caresses the cover once more before opening the magazine and flipping right to the story about Harry.

“Oi, this isn’t a library, mate,” the man behind the counter says, vexed.

“Oh sorry,” Louis mumbles, putting the magazine on the counter and reaching for his wallet. He pays the exorbitant price for the magazine and then walks out of the shop, already back to reading. It’s not the heartwarming story he’d hoped to find. Apparently One Direction only lasted for two years in this universe, so Harry’s been on his own for far longer, but that just means his star is a little brighter here. That’s not the part that _really_ bothers Louis. It’s the fact that most of the article is about Harry’s latest sexual conquests. It talks about him being a ladies man and slipping from model to actress to model, leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake. He’s still being promoted as a womanizer and Louis hates it. He studies the pictures of Harry’s photoshoot in the middle of the article and he can see there is something missing in Harry’s eyes. That spark of life that Louis loves most about him is nowhere to be found.

“I didn’t know you were a Harry Styles fan,” Lottie says, making Louis jump when it pulls him out of his Harry bubble. He can hear the smirk in her tone.

“I’m his biggest fan,” Louis mutters, throwing the magazine under his arm as he carries on walking. Both the words and the photos in the magazine hurt him to see, but it’s all he’s got right now, so he holds it close.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mentions of possible drug use in this chapter.

Once Louis and Lottie have a short, quiet meal, both too lost in thought for much conversation, Lottie takes Louis back to the house she shares with Dan and their younger siblings. She gets out, circling the car and wraps her arms around Louis when he exits as well.

“You let us know what happens when you go to your appointment, yeah? And don’t forget to call Stan and tell him what’s going on and that you might need some time off work,” Lottie says, squeezing Louis in a tight hug. She freezes when she pulls back. “You do know who Stan is, right?”

“Stan as in Stanley Lucas? As in my best mate for my entire life Stan? That Stan?” Louis asks playfully, taking a chance on the only Stan he knows and hoping he’s right.

“Alright,” Lottie smiles, slapping him on the shoulder. “You’ve made your point, tosser.”

“I was just making sure,” Louis laughs, enjoying seeing his sister smile as he takes the car keys from her.

“Okay, well, just don’t forget to ring us when you know something. I mean, _as soon_ as you know something,” she says, standing there for a moment longer than necessary with so much concern in her gaze that Louis knows she’s not done yet. “Are you sure you want to cancel your birthday party? Dan and the kids will miss you.”

“I’ll miss them too, but I think it’s probably for the best,” Louis grimaces apologetically. They’d talked about it in the car and he knew Lottie wasn’t keen on the idea, but he really does think it would be better for all of them. “I don’t want to scare them if I have a lapse of memory in front of them.” It kills him to say it. He’d much rather spend his birthday with his family than on his own in this strange, new world, but for now, he can be content in the knowledge that they’re all doing well and that they actually still _exist_. So he waves goodbye to Lottie as she walks toward the house, gets into the driver seat of his car, taps on his GPS, selects ‘Home’, and follows the directions back to his flat.

The first thing he does is call and cancel his appointment for the next day. He knows his memory problems aren’t caused by a B-12 deficiency. But he will use that excuse. _Thank you, doctor._

Next, he scrolls through his phone, relieved to find Stan’s name and number programmed in. He calls Stan and gives him the vitamin deficiency story. When Stan asks if he’s okay, he says he’s not sure because he’s _not_. Hesitantly, he asks Stan what it is they do and Stan goes quiet for a long moment before informing Louis that they run a small recording studio. Apparently, Louis’ musical aspirations still had an effect in this life. Stan tells him they’re closed tomorrow for Christmas but to take the rest of the week off too, and Louis accepts, grateful to have a little time to adjust to everything.

When Louis hangs up, he sits at his computer for hours researching One Direction. There are photos of five boys, four faces Louis knows like the back of his eyelids and one that’s a lot less familiar but that he still knows pretty well. Tom Richards. In this universe, Tom Richards was the man to take his place in One Direction.

In Louis’ universe, Tom had got through as a solo artist but was sent home during Judges Houses. And then, eight years later, he was standing on the X-Factor stage with Louis as a judge. He hadn’t performed great but Louis knew him, knew he had talent even if he hadn’t given them his best show at the time. Louis had given him the last ‘yes’ he’d needed to get through to the next round. And now, here he is, mocking Louis with his presence in the space Louis used to inhabit.

Trying to knock back his jealousy, Louis closes out of the photo he’d enlarged and reads through the next open tab on his screen. It’s One Direction’s Wikipedia page. There he finds out that One Direction came in fifth on the X-Factor but Simon still signed them after noticing their devoted audience but when they failed to break through to American audiences, he’d ended up dropping them from his label and the group had never recovered.

Sighing with distress, Louis clicks over to youtube to find their X-factor performance. He watches, feeling a distinct sense of discomfort as Tom performs with Louis’ boys. There’s a little bit of chemistry there, less silliness though and their voices sound different together with Tom in the mix. But chemistry doesn’t always last. Louis can see the cracks as soon as the judges start critiquing them. Simon comments that they don’t behave enough like a real boyband and Louis Walsh agrees with him. Tom and Liam nod along seriously while Niall, Zayn, and Harry are all fighting frowns with varying degrees of success. Louis frowns sadly at them.

Is this what tears them apart in this world? It seems like such a small thing compared to all the shit they had to go through in his world.

When he’s seen enough, a deep yearning in his heart, Louis decides to try searching his boys individually to see what they’re up to now. He types in Zayn’s name first. It’s been the longest since he’s seen Zayn and Louis has missed him something fierce for far longer than he’s been willing to admit. The first things to pop up are photos of magazine covers and images of Zayn on catwalks. He’s a model now it seems, a majority of his spreads appearing in Vogue Italia. They love Zayn. Louis is proud of him, but wonders if he’s a model now because he’s given up on his musical dreams or if maybe he’s found a new dream.

Seeing Zayn still so successful settles something in Louis, dissipates some of the unnamable fear he’s been feeling since he picked up that magazine with Harry on the cover earlier. Moving on, he finds Niall next. He smiles when his search reveals several YouTube videos of his Irish friend. But the smile slowly works its way off of his face when that’s _all_ he finds.

“What?!?” Louis exclaims to himself, leaning forward and searching again with renewed determination. He doesn’t find anything new and he can feel the blood heating his cheeks by the time he gives up and clicks on a YouTube video. It’s Niall singing a cover of a John Legend song and it’s really freaking good. Louis is torn between being proud as fuck of Niall’s talent and outraged that he’s not sharing it on a stage like he should be. It takes a few more videos before Louis realizes that Niall isn’t just posting covers on YouTube, he’s actually got a fairly popular channel on the site. It doesn’t make Louis feel _much_ better though. Niall should be touring stadiums with his own albums, not making cheesy cover videos that get tons more views than his original songs. It’s obvious Niall is still in love with making music and Louis loves watching him, but he’s pissed at this universe for giving him a smaller stage. Or maybe he’s pissed at himself. After all, this universe is one of his own making. Wiping the angry tears from his eyes, Louis likes and comments on all the videos he watches, giving his friend all of the praise he deserves.

When he goes looking for Liam, all Louis finds is a ‘Where Are They Now?’ Video on YouTube that says former boyband member Liam Payne is back in Wolverhampton working construction. There’s barely more than a photograph and a quick mention before they move on to some Hollywood starlet that’s fallen off the wagon again. Sighing, Louis watches it one more time, desperate for a glimpse of his former bandmate that isn’t a photo of a band that Louis was never a part of.

Knowing he shouldn’t, Louis searches _Harry Styles_ next. He’s assaulted with photos of a Harry that’s nothing like the one he knows. His hair isn’t grown out in any of the photos. He’s still got his curls in the photos from One Direction’s early days but once he’d become a solo star, his hair was cut short and has apparently been kept mostly the same length ever since. There are no florals or sheer shirts to be found in his wardrobe. He wears a lot of boring-colored suits that still make him look like a movie star, but don’t show an ounce of his beautiful, lively personality.

There are hundreds of photos and videos of Harry out with a number of different women. He’s eating with them or being pulled behind them by the hand or drunkenly snogging them. In one sketchy video filmed through the crack of a door and posted by the Daily Mail (that Louis desperately doesn’t want to believe is real), someone who could be Harry is snorting something off a woman’s stomach. It hurts Louis to see. The photos with the women hurt too but he knows they’re probably all PR so he can push past the pain of that. The thing that truly hurts him, that cuts him down to the very core, is that in every photo and every video, even the ones without a woman clinging to him, Harry’s smile never reaches his eyes. Seeing that makes Louis reluctantly question the Daily Mail video a little less. Harry is not being allowed to be himself and it’s killing him. He may still be a star here, but he’s a dying one.

“No,” Louis gasps, his chest tight with grief and regret. “No. This was supposed to make their lives better.” Despite the huge and varied changes to his own life, Louis could have done it. He could have lived here in this strange, alternate universe where the best thing in his life, the best people he’s even known, never happened to him. He could have done it if it had made their lives easier, made them all happier. But apparently, it’s only spiraled them into this shitshow he’s wished himself into. Once again, Louis finds himself asking, _what has he done_?


	5. Five

When Louis keeps waking up in the same flat, he figures he’s going to have to live with the consequences of his drunken wish. He kind of had the sense that his wish was permanent from the moment he realized where he was, but there’s a hollow in his chest at actually  _ knowing _ that he hasn’t made anything better. Now, he’s imprisoned in the confines of this new, shittier world and he doesn’t know what to do to change it. He’s prayed and wished as hard as he can to go back, made promises to never be so foolish again, but he still wakes up in a lonely bed and spends his days off work trying to force himself not to stalk his boys on social media.

He spends the first few days at Dan’s house, visiting for Christmas morning when Lottie calls and talks him into it, doing his best to hide the things he doesn’t know about this world from his younger siblings. The next couple of days, when he doesn’t feel like he can handle being on his own, he drives over and hangs out with Dan and Lottie. He assures them both that he’s okay, that his memory problems are just what the doctor thought, a vitamin b-12 deficiency. Lottie borrows his car when he’s there, thrilled to not have to rely on someone else for once and it makes Louis happy to make her happy. He also gets to see his siblings, sweet and mostly unchanged by his wish. They have less but they’re no less lovely for it.

When he gets home at night, he gives in and sits down at his computer to devour Niall’s videos on YouTube. Niall has fun with the songs he sings and he laughs a lot and that has Louis smiling in no time. He smiles less when he sees some ugly sentiments in the comments and replies to each one he spots, using his sharp protective tongue to tell each person where they can stick their comment. Maybe they all learned to have tough skin when they were in One Direction, learned not to look at the negative comments on their twitters or search their names on Tumblr, but this isn’t the same. It’s a different thing entirely when they can be on stage feeding off the crowd but in this medium, these comments are Niall’s main source of feedback. He doesn’t deserve these anonymous chickenshits ruining it for him.

After a night or two of the same routine, he gets tired and takes a break from playing the avenging angel. It’s not making him feel any better and it occurs to him that it probably won’t make Niall feel good when he sees people fighting in his comments. He kind of wishes he could take it back but then he remembers the trouble that wishes have gotten him into. With a sigh, Louis turns off the computer and goes to bed.

When Monday morning rolls around, Louis wakes up to another phone call from Lottie. He grunts and covers his head with his pillow at first but after she hangs up and calls again, he reluctantly answers.

“I’m up. I’m up,” he assures her huffily without bothering with a greeting.

“Good,” Lottie says, the smile in her tone making him start to smile too. “That means you’ll be on time, right?”

“I dunno about that,” he teases. “When have you ever known me to be on time?”

“Pretty much never,” she laughs. “But a sister can hope.”

“I’ll do my best.  _ If _ my chatty sister will get off the phone so that I can get ready.”

“ _ Fine _ , I’m going. Don’t let me down!”

She hangs up on him before he can get indignant and Louis shakes his head, getting out of bed with a smile on his face for the first time in days. He likes being so close to his family, and he’s more than a little excited to get to his job now that he knows what he does. The hollow feeling that’s been with him since he woke up in this place where he doesn’t quite fit the way he’d thought he would has been growing. No one fits the way he’d imagined it when he was fantasizing about how different things could be, and seeing all the ways his wish has gone wrong is just feeding the hollow, so he tries to let that feeling wash away under the warm water of his morning shower. It doesn’t really go anywhere, no matter how hard he tries to visualize it slipping away, and the good emotions he’s started having don’t outweigh the hollow. They just kind of rest on top of it, shallow pools of light that obscure more murky depths.

Louis gives up eventually, washing quickly and leaving the shower to towel off and get dressed. He puts on a pair of tight black jeans and a blazer over his fanciest t-shirt. If it’s not good enough for the studio, hopefully Stan will forgive him given the state of his memory. He picks Lottie up only a couple of minutes late and, though she rolls her eyes at him, she accepts the keys as apology and slides into the driver’s seat while Louis circles around the car. When she gets to work, a high-end salon, Louis kisses her cheek and sneakily saves the address in his GPS once she’s gone in. He hits the option that says “Work” on the GPS and follows the directions he hopes will lead him to his own workplace.

Pulling up to the studio,  Rover Records , Louis studies the building as he drives by slowly, seeking a parking space. It looks kind of small but nice from the outside and Louis can’t wait to see the inside. He finds parking relatively close and walks back to the building. There’s a sense of pride welling up in him as he nears the front door of his very own studio. Sure, he shares it with his best friend but it’s still something to be proud of. Looks like his geography teacher was wrong about him in any universe. Louis still amounted to something.

He’s got the beginnings of a smile on his face when he walks into the Studio. There’s a pretty girl behind the reception desk and she smiles at him.

“Hey, Tommo,” she says, suggesting a familiarity that makes Louis squirm a little. “Stan didn’t tell me you’d be back today.”

“Yeah, well. Here I am,” he shrugs, smile tight and uncomfortable.

“You okay?” The girl asks, staring at him like he’s acting strangely. Maybe he is.

“Yeah. Fine,” He says, looking past the reception desk. The room is effectively an ‘L’ shape, one hallway heading off to the left and one going straight back past the desk. “Is Stan in?”

“He’s in his office,” she says, pointing Louis down the hallway to the right, “like always.”

“Right, thanks.” Louis nods at the girl with another tight-lipped smile and heads toward Stan’s office. Maybe he can fill Louis in on the gaps in his memory.

Down the hallway, the first door on the right has a name plate that bears Louis’ own name and he has to stop and run his fingers over it. It’s kind of cool having something that’s his, a place he belongs when he’s been feeling so lost. With a glance at the door just across from his, Louis locates Stan’s office but he’s so curious about his own, he figures he can take a minute to look around before he reports to Stan. Opening the door and stepping inside, he lets his eyes trail slowly over each separate thing in the room, taking in as much as he can. There’s a poster of Tan France on Louis’ wall that makes Louis genuinely laugh. It says “Doncaster’s finest export” across the bottom and Louis remembers when a radio personality had said that to the fashion designer before and he’d disagreed, naming Louis the holder of that title. So many people had sent Louis tweets pointing it out to him and he’d been so flattered by it. The joy fades a bit when Louis realizes that the moment he remembers never happened here but it doesn’t go away completely, little flutters in his chest remaining, resting on top of the hollow he’s been carrying around.

“Louis?” Stan calls, stepping out of his office and into Louis’. He waits until Louis turns to him and then he engulfs him in a long, welcoming hug.

“Uh, hello?” Louis says uncertainly, patting Stan awkwardly on the back.

“You had me so worried, mate,” Stan says into the shoulder of Louis’ blazer, still squeezing Louis tightly.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Louis grins, patting Stan on the shoulder more purposefully, hoping that it will help get across just how  _ fine _ he is. “Just got a few wires crossed in me head from some kind of vitamin deficiency. But I’ve been to the doctor and I’ve got the meds she gave me and I’ll be good as new in no time. Promise.”

Stan stares at Louis with narrowed eyes for a moment and Louis gets a sense of nostalgia. He knows that look of his best mate trying to determine if Louis is telling him the truth or not. It takes him back to the days when they used to be like brothers, pranking each other and trying to keep a straight face about it or  _ not  _ pranking each other but trying to pretend like they were. Maybe in this universe, they still are like that. It gives Louis hope that not all is lost if he’s stuck here in this worst possible version of his wish. Well, he supposes this might not be the absolute worst version, but it couldn’t get  _ much _ worse.

“You sure you’re okay to be back?” Stan finally asks, apparently choosing to believe him this time.

“Yeah. I’m pretty eager, actually,” Louis nods, letting his excitement show. “What’s on the agenda for today?”

Stan tells Louis what to expect for the day, leading him around the studio like Louis’ never been there before. Apparently, he’s been getting updates on Louis from Lottie and understands just how severe some of Louis’ “memory loss” is. Louis is grateful for it. He’d been dreading having to ask because he was worried about making his friend’s concern for him even stronger.

When Louis sees the recording booth, he lights up. There’s a wide grin on his face as he takes the seat behind the control panel, hands lingering over the buttons and slides as he looks on with awe. It’s not as shiny or fancy as the one’s he’s used to but he doesn’t even care. He thought he had lost this part of his life and he feels a huge sense of relief that even with all of his regrets, he still has one thing that’s familiar to be passionate about.

“You look like you’re roaring to go,” Stan says, watching Louis with a smile that looks sort of proud. He probably wasn’t expecting Louis to remember this bit but, honestly, it feels like Louis’ last thread of hope for his new life.

“Yeah, well. Don’t think I could ever forget this bit,” Louis replies, sounding wistful and far away even to his own ears.

“Good on ya, lad,” Stan chuckles, squeezing Louis’ shoulder briefly before glancing at the watch on his wrist. “Our first client of the day will be here in a few minutes. You don’t mind if I sit in for today, do ya?”

“Nah,” Louis shakes his head, spinning the chair around to face his friend and business partner fully and put him at ease. “I get it. Probably a good idea in case there’s something I haven’t realized I’ve forgotten yet.” He chuckles so Stan knows he’s taking the babysitting good-naturedly and not being a bitter prick like he knows he’s capable of when he’s in the right mood.

So, Stan sits in on the first session of the day but leaves Louis to work on his own afterwards, stating that Louis seems to be even better at his job than he was before his memory issues. Louis shrugs off the compliment but can feel himself flush with pride anyway. He’s  _ good _ at this and he knows it, but it’s nice to hear someone say it. Especially now, when he doesn’t have as many someone’s in his life anymore.

The rest of the day goes great and that feeling follows him into the rest of his week. His work and his siblings become his driving forces, the things he lives for and the things that drive him on. He still misses his boys though so he buys every magazine he sees Harry on the cover of and he watches Niall’s Youtube videos on repeat and he buys a damn subscription to Italian Vogue for the occasional glimpse of Zayn. But he doesn’t really have any way of seeing Liam other than those few seconds in that one Where Are They Now video.

On the weekend, after work, Louis decides to make the two hour drive out to  Wolverhampton and relive some old memories. He knows it might only make him miss Liam more in the long run, but if it’s as close as he can get to seeing one of his best friends, he’ll take it. 


	6. Six

Louis did not expect Liam to just…  _ be there _ in Wolverhampton. Objectively, he knew Liam still lived there, but it’s a city of 200,000 people. He didn’t expect Liam to just be standing outside the café he’d stopped at for tea, unlocking the door of a sensible four door sedan. 

Louis freezes at the sight of his old friend. “Liam,” he rasps to himself, just loud enough for the other boy to hear.

Liam turns to him as he opens his car door, a blank look on his face that morphs into a confused smile. “Oh, hello.”

Louis doesn’t think about it. His feet just take action and he surges forward, an overwhelming sense of relief in his bones as he hugs Liam fiercely.

“Oh…kay.” Liam sounds wary, but his arms still wrap around Louis. Not as tight as he’d like, but they’re there and it’s exactly what Louis’ been needing. “Do I know you?”

_ Ouch _ . 

That hurts. 

The question breaks Louis out of his brief moment of jubilation and he grimaces at his own impulsiveness.

“Um,” Louis swallows around the tightening of his throat as he lets Liam go, backing up several steps because he wasn’t just hugging one of his best friends like he’d been imagining. In this world, he’d been hugging a complete stranger who just happened to be a bit famous once upon a time. He shakes his head, a rueful smile on his face. “Not anymore, I guess.”

Liam’s look of confusion doesn’t go away immediately, but then Louis sees it, the look of realization and embarrassment they all get when someone recognizes them when they weren’t expecting to be recognized or approached. Louis has a new appreciation for the fans they’ve looked at like this over the years and the resolve they must gather to stay and chat when faced with it, choosing to get just a moment of time with this person they admire even as their body is screaming at them to back off. He knows some of them don’t care what they may be interrupting, but he also knows there are others who must hate this torn feeling inside, the guilt at asking for a moment that’s already spoken for, because he feels like an absolute interloper when faced with that look. He’s so embarrassed and he kind of just wants to turn and walk away, to pretend it never happened. But he also recognizes the need to take this chance.

“Um,” Liam says, scratching the back of his neck and looking at Louis like he has no idea how to handle a fan interaction anymore. Maybe he doesn’t. It’s been eight years since One Direction was a thing for him. Louis’ heart aches all over again, knowing that he’s the reason for that.

“I’m sorry.” Louis hunches in on himself. “I shouldn’t have just attacked you like that.”

“No, it’s okay,” Liam laughs nervously. “So, you’re a One Direction fan?”

“Yeah,” Louis answers quietly with a weak smile on his face, only able to meet Liam’s eyes for the tiniest of moments before he has to look away again. “You could say that.”

“Well, hey, thanks for that,” Liam smiles, reaching out a hand that Louis automatically accepts to shake. “It’s nice to know we still have fans out there. Weird, but nice.”

“I miss you guys,” Louis admits, and he doesn’t mean for it to happen, but the words come out with the weight of his loss attached to them. He sounds near tears. He  _ is _ near tears and he hates it, but he can’t stop the flood of emotion at having back one small piece of the life he lost, even if it is only temporary.

“Me too sometimes,” Liam murmurs, watching Louis with concern when he can’t stop the tears in his eyes. He reaches out, the warmth of his hand as it settles on Louis’ shoulder a distant comfort. “Hey, are you okay, mate?”

Louis wants to say yes, to lie and reassure Liam that he’ll be fine but he can’t. He’s not fine. He’s wished himself into this bizarro world where nothing is better and the majority of the people he loves don’t even know him anymore. Instead, he shakes his head, sobs wracking his body as he buries his face in his hands.

“Hey. Hey, it’s okay,” Liam says, gathering Louis into his arms. “Everything will be alright.”

“Nothing is going right,” Louis cries into Liam’s shoulder, holding on to him for dear life. “Nothing is the way it should be.”

“I know that feeling well,” Liam murmurs to him, petting Louis’ hair as he comforts him. “And I know it can be hard to move on from it, but if you can make yourself work at it, just  take it one day at a time, things will get better, I promise you.”

Louis doesn’t say anything. He can’t tell Liam that that’s not an option because he’s in an alternate universe. So he cries it out, allowing Liam to sooth him with calming words and a warm embrace. When the worst of it is over and he’s mostly just sniffling, he pulls away, giving Liam a grateful look. “Thank you. I’m really sorry for getting weepy all over you.”

“Hey, no worries,” Liam waves off the apology. “I think we’ve all been there at some point.”

Louis nods, but no matter what Liam says, he’s still embarrassed about blubbering in the middle of the street on someone who thinks of him as a stranger. “I’m gonna…,” he points over his shoulder with a thumb, “...go. But really, genuinely, thank you for being so lovely about all this.”

“It was my pleasure,” Liam says, stuttering to add, “I- I mean, not the, you know, you being sad part. I didn’t take pleasure in that, but, I mean, it was my pleasure to help in whatever way I can.” He ends with a self-deprecating smile. “And I’ll just shut up now.”

Louis laughs. Good old Liam. Always sticking his foot in his mouth. Louis loves him a lot. When he can feel his eyes starting to tear up again, he waves and turns around, prepared to walk away. Maybe for the last time ever.

“Hey,” Liam calls out to him before he’s taken two steps.

Louis turns to look at Liam over his shoulder.

“What’s your name?” Liam asks.

“Louis Tomlinson.”

Liam smiles. “It was nice to meet you, Louis Tomlinson.”

“Yeah,” Louis smiles. “You too.”

When Louis gets home, he eats and showers and snuggles up in bed with his laptop, ready to watch some comforting, but ultimately predictable rom-coms on Netflix until he falls asleep. As he’s selecting a movie, he gets a text from his sister reminding him to go on Facebook and tell some distant family member happy birthday. He opens Facebook in a new tab and fulfills his obligation, checking his notifications while he’s at it.

Louis freezes for the second time that day. Because for the second time, he’s staring at Liam Payne’s face. 

Liam has sent him a friend request.


	7. Seven

**‘Thanks for the follow, Liam. And for being there for me yesterday. You’re a true gent,’** Louis types out into Facebook messenger after following Liam back. He expects that to be the end of it, a small act of kindness by a former celebrity to make a fan feel better, but when he wakes in the morning, he finds an answering message from Liam. 

**‘Hi, Louis. I hope today is a better day than yesterday. How are you doing? If you need to talk about anything please know that I am here for you.’**

**‘You’re too sweet, Li’** ...Louis pauses in his typing and then adds **‘am’** to the end of ‘Liam’. It’s far too soon in this reality to be breaking out the nicknames. Louis’ heart hurts a little every time he needs to remind himself of something like that. He takes a deep breath to push past the ache and keeps typing. **‘Today is a bit better. Sorry again for getting so emotional yesterday. My life has gone through some drastic changes lately and I’m not dealing very well, I’m afraid. I appreciate your concern and support so much.”**

 **‘Oh man!’** Liam responds right away. **‘I definitely know what it’s like to deal with drastic life changes. You don’t have to share the specifics if you don’t want to but just know that you’re not alone in the way that you’re feeling.’**

Louis stares at his phone screen. Of course, all of his boys know what it’s like to have their life change in a whirlwind of chaos because of the band but, here, that version of change would have been entirely different than the one Louis experienced. While Louis’ One Direction went out at an all-time high, moving on to solo careers that were also so rewarding, Liam’s One Direction only got a taste of what it felt like to soar. They had fallen just as fast as they had risen because something had been missing for them here. Louis doesn’t quite understand why there was such a huge difference in the way these events occurred. They were still a band of five boys, all handsome, all good people as far as Louis knew. They still should have had the world at their feet. He feels terrible that he’s wished them into a world where they never had the chance to truly shine. 

**‘Thanks. That’s nice to hear. And I know we’re still practically strangers, but I want you to know that I’m happy to be here if you ever need someone too.’**

Louis wonders if Liam had someone when One Direction got dropped from their label here. Were the other boys there for him to turn to, or did they all just go their separate directions without a backwards glance? He doesn’t even know if any of them are still friends in this universe. 

**‘Thanks, Louis. I might take you up on that.** **😛** **’**

Louis snorts at the emoji. He’s not really much of an emoji type of guy but he wonders if sending the poop emoji in return is out of line in their current relationship. Sighing, he sends it anyway. If he’s going to be stuck in this universe, he’s not holding anything back this time. This is who he is, the type of idiot who sends a poop emoji as a token of affection. His Liam back home loves him for it, hopefully this one will too. 

‘😂’

Seeing the stupid laughy face emoji Liam sends back makes Louis smile as a huge wave of relief washes over him. Maybe he can at least have his friendship with Liam back. It won’t fill the biggest hole in his life, the one his heart yearns the most to have filled again, but having any of his boys back in his life, even in the smallest of ways, is a vast improvement.

It starts slow, a few texts here and there during the day when they’ve got a minute to send one. Louis wouldn’t even call them real chats, but Liam keeps checking up on him, making sure that he’s doing okay and that hollow feeling inside of Louis starts to crack a little. 

After a few weeks of friendly check-ins, Liam sends one at a time when Louis is having a particularly hard day. Halfway through his workday he’d glimpsed a calendar and realized that it’s Harry’s birthday. By the time Liam messages him, Louis is in his office, curled over his desk just trying to hold himself together through the pain of missing the most important person in his life.

 **‘How’s it going today?’** Louis sees the message light up his screen in a preview box and despite having every intention of ignoring it, his hand reaches for it automatically. He opens the message, knowing immediately that Liam will see that he’s seen it which leaves him feeling like he has to answer. 

**‘Can’t lie, it’s a bad day. I’ll be fine though.’** Even as Louis types it, it feels like a lie, saying that he’ll be fine. The love of his life doesn’t even know he exists. He’s not sure he’ll ever actually be fine, no matter how hard he tries. He just doesn’t want to bring Liam down by sharing his misery. 

**‘I’m sure you will, but this is what friends are for. You can talk to me, Lou. Tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can hellp.’**

**‘Hello*’**

**‘Dammit’**

**‘Help*’**

Louis always knew Liam wasn’t the greatest at typing out messages, often sending a mess of misspellings, but seeing it happening when he’s at his lowest of lows fills Louis with a sense of familiarity and love so strong that he can’t help the small laugh that escapes him. He already feels like the heavy cloud of pain and anguish that’s been hovering over him is lifting a little. 

**‘Is it alright if I call you?’** Liam sends next. 

It surprises Louis that Liam is so willing and eager to be there for him. They don’t have the same bond in this world and yet, it probably shouldn’t surprise him. Liam has always been a good guy and a really good friend. 

**‘Yes, please.’** Louis sends back. 

So, Liam calls him over Facebook messenger and listens as Louis tells him about the boyfriend he loved and lost, how it’s an important day for them and how he’s missing him terribly because of it. He listens and doesn’t try to fix things for Louis because he knows that there’s nothing that can be fixed. 

After that, they exchange phone numbers, scheduling a weekly call that turns into calling whenever. Liam swiftly becomes one of Louis’ closest friends again and things start to feel a little better, a little easier. Louis is grateful, but there’s still a gaping hole in his life and in his heart. With Liam back in his life though, he starts to feel a little hopeful that maybe, one day, he’ll be able to find his way back to the only man who can fill it.


	8. Eight

“Hey, what are you doing this weekend?” Liam asks Louis one day when they’re talking on the phone while Louis eats take out and watches Bake Off from his sofa. Harry loved Bake Off. He liked reminding Louis that he used to be a baker and Louis liked teasing him that sweeping floors and running the register in a bakery did not make him a baker. Louis misses the disgruntled pout he would get until Louis would give him apology kisses and tell him that he bet he was a fantastic baker. Maybe it’s stoking the flames of longing to have his boy back, but it also makes him feel close to Harry in some small way. 

“Probably working Saturday and lounging around doing fuck all on Sunday. Why, what’s up?”

“I have to go into London on Saturday and I was wondering if you’d want to go with me,” Liam responds, making Louis sit up taller in his seat.

“You want me to...? Sure. Yeah, I can do that,” Louis answers, a swell of anxiousness stewing in his stomach about why Liam might need someone to go with him. He’s not sure he knows how to ask without coming off rude, but fuck it. Liam is his friend and he wants to know what’s going on. “Is this something I need to be concerned about, Li?” 

“Oh! No! Sorry. Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious, just an errand I have to run. Do you still want to go? I know you said you had to work and you’d have to take the train all the way here to meet me unless you just wanted to meet in London.” 

“Meeting up in London?” Louis scoffs. “What would be the fun in that? I’ll come to you and we can ride together the rest of the way. I don’t mind taking a day off to hang out with a friend,” Louis replies, already looking forward to the weekend now that he knows it’s not something he has to worry over. He hasn’t met up with Liam since that first time when Louis cried all over him. It’ll be nice to see him again without having to use facetime or something. Getting to actually spend time together sounds like a lot of fun and Louis wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

“Okay, great,” Liam laughs, sounding a bit relieved that Louis agreed. “I look forward to it.”

On Saturday, Louis has to get up early to catch his train to Wolverhampton, but it’s well worth it when he sees Liam’s smiling face right in front of him. This time when Louis hugs him, it’s not weird when he holds on for longer than absolutely necessary or squeezes maybe just a little too tight. To be honest, it’s exactly what Louis needed. 

They chat and catch up on the happenings of their week as they ride to London and it’s not until they’re almost there that Louis notices the nervous energy Liam is exuding. 

“Alright, you’re acting weird, Payno. What’s going on?’ Louis asks with narrowed eyes at his friend. 

“Payno? I like that. Sounds like a DJ name or something,” Liam laughs, trying to distract Louis from the fact that he didn’t answer the question. 

It works.

“Nobody’s ever called you Payno before?” Louis questions, marveling at the thought. Was he the reason they’d started calling Liam that in his universe? Huh. 

“Nope,” Liam answers, attention now on the doors of the slowing train. “Oh look, it’s our stop!” 

He’s being weird again and Louis is suspicious as Liam hops up quickly, filled with exuberance. It’s kind of nice to see Liam looking like an excited puppy so Louis doesn’t question it even though he very much wants to. 

“Okay,” Liam stops and turns to him once they’re off the train and out of the way of people bustling to their destinations. “So, I have a surprise for you.”

“Okaaay,” Louis drawls, not sure whether to be worried or cautiously hopeful. “What is it?”

“Well, I know how you were a big fan of One Direction back in the day,” Liam keeps a careful watch on Louis’ face for his reaction, but Louis hearing the words One Direction have him blinking back in blank surprise, unable to emote anything he’s feeling just yet. “And talking about it got me a bit nostalgic, so...“

“Liam James Payne, get over here, you handsome fucker,” a familiar Irish voice calls out, full of unrestrained laughter. 

“Surprise?” Liam gives Louis an unsure grimace of a smile, showing all his teeth as he turns to greet his old friend and bandmate. 

Louis watches the two of them embrace feeling his heart warm in his chest and his eyes start to tear up of their own volition. He quickly wipes them before anyone notices and he’s relatively certain that he looks okay when Liam turns to introduce Niall. 

“Niall, this is my mate Louis,” Liam says, gesturing to Louis with a look on his face that seems like he’s proud to be able to say that. It almost has Louis tearing up again. 

“Right on,” Niall replies, smiling at Louis and holding out a hand that Louis ignores as he wraps Niall in a hug instead. 

It’s a quick hug. Louis restrains himself. “Sorry,” he says, as he pulls back, knowing that it was probably still a strange thing to do. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Niall only laughs at his enthusiasm, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “It’s good to meet you too, Louis. Now, lads, what are we getting up to today?”

They go out for lunch and as they eat, Niall and Liam chat about the good old days of One Direction. Louis should probably feel a bit left out but he’s too busy enjoying the feeling of rightness that fills him at seeing them together again. They talk about missing the other boys, at least Harry and Zayn. And after it comes up that Louis runs a recording studio, they make wistful comments about a reunion, except it’d be nice if they could leave Tom out of it. 

Louis feels the same without saying it. It’d be difficult to see the band reunite with someone else in his place. But the comments Niall and Liam are making about Tom catch Louis’ attention and he can’t help wondering aloud what happened between them that caused such a rift. 

“Ugh, he was horrible,” Niall groans, hiding his face in his hands like that will somehow keep him from suffering through the memories. 

“He was a nice guy, really,” Liam explains to Louis earnestly. “He just took things way too seriously. I mean, at first, I was right there with him. Making sure we practiced the way we were supposed to, keeping us on task during X-Factor. But even after we lost and Simon signed us anyway, he never let up. It was like having fun was the ultimate crime. We were sixteen and seventeen-year-olds and we were never allowed to just be kids. It was awful.”

“I wish him the best, but I do not want to be in a band with him again,” Niall added, shrugging a moment later. “It’s probably stupid anyway even thinking about a reunion. Zayn and Harry are on to bigger and better things. I doubt they’d want to get back together anyway.”

“No, don’t say that,” Louis frowns, knowing that he’s probably grasping at straws, but unable to give up the idea so easily. “It could happen.”

Niall chuckles. “You really were a big fan, huh?”

“The biggest,” Louis gives him a sad smirk. “Still am.”

“Obviously,” Niall reaches over to grasp Louis’ shoulder, giving it a grateful pat. “Thanks for that, man. It’s good to know someone’s out there rooting for us still.”

It’s easy, sitting there chatting with Liam and Niall. Even if Louis doesn’t recognize some of the memories they discuss because he wasn’t there for them, it still feels a little bit like home sitting there with them. 

One meeting is all it takes for Niall to decide that Louis belongs in his inner circle and soon Louis is getting calls from him too. The three of them become a tight-knit unit, tied together by a twist of fate and their love for a band that is no more. Which is kind of true in any universe, when Louis thinks about it.

Louis still feels Harry’s absence acutely, every time he goes to bed alone, every time he gets excited over something and Harry pops into his mind as the first person he wants to tell. But all is not entirely lost, he has Liam and Niall. And even if they’re not Harry, they’re family, so he’ll take it. 


	9. Nine

“Great work today, Lou,” Stan says, patting Louis’ back when they meet in the hallway at the end of their workday. 

“Thanks,” Louis grins. He’d had to stand in as sound engineer for one of their biggest clients today and he’d done a job that he could be proud of. It was nice to hear others notice it too. “Hey, Liam and Niall are coming ‘round for a visit tomorrow. Do you want to come by and hang with us?”

Stan had been surprised when Louis had mentioned being friends with  2/5 of a once-famous boyband but they hadn’t had the chance to meet yet and Louis would love to have all of his best friends in one place. 

“Shit. Sorry, man,” Stan says with an apologetic grimace. “Bailey and I have plans all day tomorrow.”

“Oh. Alright, then. Maybe next time.” Louis tries not to be disappointed. He did ask at the last minute.

“Yeah, definitely,” Stan assures him, door on the handle of his office so that he can grab his jacket and car keys before they leave. “Let me know when they’re coming again and I’ll put it on the calendar.”

“Sure thing,” Louis nods. He’s just coming out of his own office, so he heads for the front door. He’s having dinner with Dan and the girls tonight. It’s a tradition that they have weekly dinners in this universe and Louis finds that he really loves it. He should try to implement a similar tradition if he ever gets back home, though it’d have to be more like once a month or so. 

The thing is, after a loud, lively dinner with a bunch of people who warm his heart, going home to flat where no one is waiting for him makes Louis that much lonelier. He sighs and gets ready for bed before crawling under his covers and pulling the extra pillow close to cling to as he sleeps. It’s no Harry, but it’s better than nothing. 

In the morning. Louis cooks breakfast while waiting for Niall and Liam to arrive. He’d offered to pick them up, but both boys had told him not to worry about it. He’s just plating the bacon when he gets a phone call from Stan. 

“Stan? What’s up?” Louis greets, curious why his friend would be calling when he’s supposed to have plans already.

“Hey, is that invitation hang out still open? Bailey had to cancel on me.”

“Yeah, always. Is everything alright?” 

“Yeah. Just a family thing that came up. Not a big deal. So, how soon should I head over?”

“Now’s good. Niall and Liam should be here anytime. And I’m making breakfast, so better get it before it’s gone.”

“Oh,” Stan hesitates. “Uhhh, maybe an hour then?”

“Shut up!” Louis laughs. “I’m an alright cook.”

“You keep thinking that, mate,” Stan jokes. “I’ll be there in a few.”

“Alright. See ya.”

Niall shows up first, knocking on Louis’ door with a continuous staccato beat until Louis opens up for him. “Louis!” He yells, wrapping Louis in a hug that’s both warm and unrestrained. Louis’ favorite kind. 

“Hiya, Neil.”

“You know I hate that,” Niall mutters, not bothering to let go.

“No, you don’t,” Louis chuckles, ruffling Niall’s hair. 

A few minutes later Stan and Liam show up together. 

“Stan! Liam! I see you’ve already met,” Louis greets when he sees them standing there.

“Not really. We just got here at the same time,” Liam laughs lightly, turning to Stan to offer his hand. “Nice to meet you, mate. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Not as much as I’ve heard about you, I’d wager,” Stan jokes, shaking Liam’s hand. “The pleasure is mine.”

“Hiya!” Niall says, popping up behind Louis. “I’m Niall.”

“Stan,” Stan laughs, reaching for Niall's hand next.

“Well!” Louis interrupts, gesturing towards his kitchen. “Now that we all know each other, best to eat before the food gets cold.”

It’s a beautiful sight to see how well Louis’ friends all get on as they chat over their food.

“You think you guys’ll ever get back together?” Stan asks. “You know,  _ we _ own a studio,” he says, swinging his thumb back and forth between him and Louis and wiggling his eyebrows in a way that’s probably meant to be enticing. 

“Yeah, we’ve heard that,” Liam laughs warmly. “I don’t know if a reunion is in the cards though.”

“Yeah. I looked up Tom the other day and it turns out, he’s in a new band. Has been for a while so he probably wouldn’t want to leave,” Niall pipes up, looking at Liam and Louis and smirking when they look excited about that fact. “But Harry’s also got his own music career and Zayn is off modelling who knows where at this point. Can’t get either one to answer a phone call.”

Stan looks around at all of them. “Guys, I don’t know where Zayn is now, but I know where he’s going to be next weekend.”

“What?”

“Where?”

“There’s a Gucci fashion show in London. He’s supposed to be in it,” Stan says looking mighty smug about having information that they don’t. 

“How do you know this?” Louis asks, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“It’s called reading, Louis.”

While Louis and Stan nag at each other playfully, Niall and Liam are having a conversation without words. 

Niall tilts his head at Liam, raising a questioning brow, to which Liam shakes his head. So Niall tilts his head down a little farther and raises his brow again. Liam fights a smile and shakes his head again. Louis stops bickering with Stan to watch because it’s too entertaining not to.

Niall lifts his head, narrowing his eyes at Liam. Then, ...tilts his head again. 

“Okay, fine. We’ll go!” Liam breaks out in a laugh. “Just stop doing that.”

“Deal!” Niall grins. 

“You’re going to go see Zayn?” Louis asks excitedly. Just the thought of the three of them together makes him so happy. It’s been a long time since the boys and Zayn have seen each other in either universe. 

“Uh,  _ we _ are going to go see Zayn,” Niall corrects, pointing between himself, Liam, and Louis.

“Yeah,” Liam agrees immediately and Louis can’t lie, it feels good that they want him there.

“I mean, I’d love to, guys, but I do have a day job,” Louis says, wishing he didn’t have to say it. 

“Nah, it’s fine,” Stan replies before Louis can get too sad about it. “Go. I’ve got it covered. You have like 85 vacation days saved up anyway. It’ll be fine.”

“Yeah?” Louis asks, unable to hide the edge of elation in his tone.

“Yeah. Go,” Stan chuckles, giving him an affectionate shove. “Have fun.”

Well. 

It looks like Louis’ going to a fashion show.


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how fashion shows work so please suspend all disbelief for this chapter.

Everything is a bustle of movement and chaos backstage during Gucci’s “Epilogue” fashion show. Luckily, Niall still had some contacts in the entertainment industry that allowed him to scrounge them up some tickets to the event, but it was Louis that had helped them slip backstage. His knowledge of off limits areas and gaps in security from years of foiling the people in charge of him in his previous life had honed his abilities to be sneaky. 

“Dude, that was masterful,” Niall laughed in awe once they were safely backstage. 

“I know a thing or two,” Louis shrugged modestly, though inside he was preening. 

“Alright, where would Zayn be?” Liam asked, looking around at every face that passed, searching for the one he wanted most to see.

“Probably getting dressed. The show is set to start soon and we should probably wait until it’s over to-”

“You! Cheekbones,” a man with a heavy Italian accent says, pointing at Louis. “Are you my replacement model?” 

He eyes Louis up and down critically and Louis freezes, not sure what to say so that they don’t get caught. “No,” the man decides with a scowl. “Pretty enough but too short.”

“I’m not fucking short,” Louis grumbles. Why does this comment seem to keep following him around in any universe?

“Too short for runway,” the man amends, giving Louis a shrug. “I don’t make the rules. Now, who are you and why are you in my way?”

“Sorry, I’m…” he looks around, thinking quickly. Niall and Liam are luckily smart enough to be blending in, sorting thoughtfully through clothing racks nearby. Close enough if Louis needs help and giving him glances every now and again. “I’m Louis. I’m a dresser. I was told you needed a backup.”

“Hmm,” the man hums, eyes trailing around. “Ah. You must be here for Mario. He’s there,” the man says, pointing at an extremely handsome man getting blush brushed on his cheeks. 

“Thanks,” Louis says with a quick nod, moving toward Mario. What has he gotten himself into?

“Louis, was it?” the man calls before he can get far, waiting for Louis to turn around to ask, “where is your badge?”

“My-?” Louis notices the badge around the man's neck and reaches to his chest, where one would be resting if he’d had one. “I- “ He starts patting himself down. “Oh shit, I… I don’t know. I swear I put it on.”

The man sighs in aggravation, before bellowing for a woman called ‘Mia’. “Get him a new badge,” he tells her, pointing at Louis and directing the next part at Louis himself. “Don’t lose this one or it won’t be the only thing you lose, got it?”

“Yes, sir,” Louis nods, biting his lip to keep from grinning. “Thank you.”

He lied through his teeth and got away with it. What the fuck? 

“What the fuck?” Niall seems to read his mind once the man is gone and Mia has run off to get Louis a ‘new’ badge. 

“Yeah, are you, like, secretly a spy or something?” Liam questions, looking at him with playful suspicion. 

“Maybe in another life,” Louis smirks, looking toward Mario and letting the half-grin slip from his face. It looks like he may have a job to do while they wait for a chance to speak to Zayn. 

“Here’s your badge,” Mia says, appearing out of nowhere. Liam and Niall scramble to look busy and if Louis wasn’t certain they were about ten seconds from getting thrown out, he would laugh. “I trust you know what you’re supposed to be doing so go do it. I have other things to worry about.”

She runs off as quickly as she appeared and Louis blinks, not entirely sure he does know what he’s supposed to be doing. He’s done photo shoots but not runway. Taking a deep breath, he takes a step towards his model. 

“Where are you going?” Niall asks, stopping Louis with a hand on his arm. 

“To be Mario’s dresser?” Louis answers, unsure. “I can’t leave the bloke hanging just because I lied about my purpose here.”

Niall stares at him for a second, and then grins like Louis is the most precious thing he’s ever seen. “Aww.”

“Shut up,” Louis replies with a snort, feeling relieved when he sees someone rush over to Mario, holding onto an outfit that they immediately start helping him put on.

“Looks like your time is all freed up,” Niall remarks.

“Zayn,” Liam says seriously, pointing across the room to where Zayn seems to be slipping out a side door. It’s a good job someone was paying attention. 

Louis, Niall, and Liam follow him outside only to end up stopping suddenly and running into each other. 

“Liam? Niall?” Zayn asks, pulling the cigarette he was in the process of lighting out of his mouth.

“Zayn!” Niall chirps happily, wrapping a very confused Zayn in his arms. “You look great, mate.”

“Thanks,” Zayn replies, eyes guarded and arms only coming up to hold Niall stiffly for a brief moment. 

“Hi,” Liam says with a much more subdued grin as he opens his arms in a wordless question. 

“Hullo, Liam.” Zayn leans forward a little, sort of meeting Liam in the middle for a short, but slightly warmer hug than the one Niall got. Perhaps he was too surprised to give Niall a proper hug. 

“Hi.” Louis waves from where he is when Zayn side-eyes him. He feels a lot more awkward with Zayn than he did Liam and Niall. Zayn was always difficult to get to open up until he knew and trusted you. 

“Hey,” he tells Louis curtly, looking back at his former bandmates. “I only have about 3 minutes, what are you guys doing here?”

“We wanted to see you,” Liam answers, content to let that be it as he basks in the satisfaction of merely being in Zayn’s presence. Louis doesn’t blame him, he’s seen a lot of people react to Zayn that way.

“And ask you about getting the band back together,” Niall adds.

“What?” Zayn turns sharply, looking at Niall like he may have a few screws loose. “Why would I want to do that? Why would  _ you _ ? Being in that band was the worst experience of my life. They overworked us and controlled every aspect of our lives. And that was just management. I won’t even get started on Tom.” 

“We’re not talking about working with Simon again. And Tom wouldn’t be involved. He’s got his own band. Basically, we’d be starting from scratch, but this man,” Niall says, dragging Louis next to him and hugging him with an arm around his shoulders, “is our friend, Louis. And he just so happens to own a record studio in Doncaster that we can use to record our next album.”

Louis waves again. “Hi, that’s me.”

Zayn stares at them and then moves his gaze to Liam. “You’re lunatics. You know that.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t try,” Liam says softly, looking back at Zayn with a hopeful gaze.

Zayn holds his stare for a few seconds and then drops his eyes to the ground. “Well, count me out of it. Sorry, lads. That’s just not me anymore.”

“C’mon, Zayn,” Niall tries to argue but Zayn moves to step around him. 

“Good luck, but I have to get back to work.”

Louis’ heart clenches as he watches Zayn walk away from them. He’s so guarded in this universe and Louis can’t help but wonder why.

“Liam? What am I missing here?” Louis asks, turning to him because he didn’t miss the weird tension between them. 

Liam sighs. “Zayn and I were… almost a thing. I mean, we tried to keep it a secret but everyone could see it. Management shut it down right away though so…,” he shrugs. “We never really got a chance to see where it could go.”

“Well, shit,” Louis responds softly. He wonders if Liam and Zayn had a secret relationship in his universe too. Maybe he and Harry were too busy falling in love with each other and fighting management at every turn to notice what was happening to anyone else.

“It’s fine,” Liam says, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “We tried. We should probably go now though.”

“Dammit,” Niall grumbles. Not at all happy with the way things have gone. 

Louis glances at the door Zayn disappeared through and then down at the badge hanging around his neck. Liam and Niall probably can’t get back in without one. But Louis can.

“Hang on a minute,” he tells them, walking toward the door. “I’ll be right back!”

When he gets inside, he walks around, trying to stay out of people’s way until he finds Zayn. He’s dressed in his first outfit, waiting at the back of the line of models awaiting the start of the show.

“Zayn,” Louis says, walking up to stand beside him.

“What are you doing here?” Zayn asks, looking down at Louis’ badge. “You work here?”

“Eh. It’s a long story. I just have one thing to say and then I’ll leave you alone.”

Zayn shakes his head turning away. “I don’t have time for this.”

“You’re not happy here,” Louis blurts out, which causes Zayn to turn to him with a glare.

“You don’t even know me.”

“I know enough. I know you only smoke when you’re stressed.” 

Zayn snorts. “Who doesn’t?”

Louis swallows, hurrying on before Zayn can call security on him or something.  “Look, I know I’m just some crazy stranger to you, but I’m going to stick my nose in here for just a second and afterward I’ll go back to staying in my own lane, I promise.” He assures Zayn, and it’s enough to keep him quiet for now. “I know how much music means to you. I was a huge 1D fan, I’ve seen it. And I know how  _ great _ at it you are. I don’t know what happened to make you lose your passion for it and I know things didn’t end well for you with One Direction, so if you never want to go back to that, I get it. Don’t. Don’t do anything that makes you feel that horrible ever again. But I think we both know that those boys out there? They were your brothers. In some cases, maybe more. And, Zayn, they still are. They always will be. Don’t let whatever happened in the past get in the way of that. I’m not saying that you have to get the band back together, but definitely don’t lose your family over it.”

Zayn waits a second after Louis’ stopped speaking and then glances over at him. “You done?”

Louis sighs, lowering his head in defeat. “Yeah. I’m done.”

“You should probably go then.”

“Right.” Louis turns with a sinking heart, tearing off his badge and dropping it to the floor. “Have a good show.”

Louis doesn’t expect anything good to come out of his conversation with Zayn. It didn’t end well, so he assumes Zayn didn’t actually listen to a word he had to say. But then, Liam casually mentions in a phone call that Zayn called him the other day and Louis’ heart lifts. And then, a week later he shows up in one of Niall's YouTube videos. 

He may not be friends with Louis, but his boys are finding their way back to each other. They’re like the broken pieces of Louis’ heart, mending back together again. There’s no greater gift Louis could ask for, except for maybe that one last piece that needs to be mended. 


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter where the mature rating comes in. I've marked the smut area with a bold ~~~~~~~ line before and after so that you can skip it if you'd like.

“Niall, We’re never getting in here,” Louis states, pulling his coat up around his shoulders as they stand in the queue outside London’s most exclusive night club. 

“You might be surprised,” Niall teases with a wiggle of his eyebrows, before looking around as they wait for Liam to show up and join them.

“Who goes clubbing on December 23rd anyway?” Louis mutters even though he knows that he would have done it when he was younger if he hadn’t always had plans. 

“People celebrating birthdays that happen on Christmas Eve when the birthday boy will be too busy with his family to be out having fun with his delinquent friends,” Stan replies, nudging Louis in the shoulder.

“Okay, okay,” Louis laughs. “That’s a good reason I guess.”

It’s been almost a year of being in this alternate life that Louis wished himself into and it’s still not perfect, there’s still a large piece of his heart missing, but it’s better than it once was. He’ll never get over the loss of the love of his life, but if he’s stuck here forever, at least he’s got his friends. Even Zayn has come around. He’s shyer with Louis now than he ever was in Louis’ previous life, but Louis is grateful to have his friendship no matter the pace it moves at.

“Happy Birthday a day early!” Liam yells, surprising Louis and wrapping him in a bear hug before he can even turn around. 

“Thanks, Li,” Louis chuckles, turning around to return the hug when Liam frees him. 

“Hey, Lou,” Zayn says quietly from Liam’s side after they’ve gotten their hugs out. “Happy Birthday. Liam invited me, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course you’re invited,” Louis states, reaching out and giving Zayn a brief hug too. “Thanks for coming.”

Zayn smiles in reply, tugging on Louis’ sleeve. “Come with me. I got you a gift.”

Louis looks back at the others, but they just follow with knowing grins as Zayn tugs Louis out of the queue and walks him straight up to the door. 

“Zayn, good to see you,” the doorman says, waving them all inside.

“Thanks, man,” Zayn fist bumps the man as he passes, leading Louis’ group into the club. They have to hand over their coats and cell phones so that no one can take pictures or leak information about any celebrities they might see but it’s well worth it just to be here.

“Happy birthday,” Zayn tells him again with a wink once they’re inside. 

“Whoo!” Niall exclaims. “I’m gonna get us drinks. Who wants?”

“Think I might just dance for a bit,” Louis says, looking out into the crowd of revelers. They’re all smiling and grinding and no one out there seems lonely. He knows he’s not alone, but he can’t help the loneliness he feels down the core on some nights and he just wants to be able to let that go for a bit. Maybe being out there will help him.

He dances with the crowd for a bit, only leaving to get water when he absolutely needs to. Sometimes one of his mates will join him for a dance or two but then they drift off again. 

He’s on his own when he feels a hard body press up behind him. It’s been so long since he’s been with someone, an entire year almost, and his body betrays him as he presses back into it. Immediately, he feels guilty for it because even though Harry isn’t his here, it still feels like cheating. He moves to pull away, end the contact, but before he can there are big hands grasping his hips. Ring covered hands that remind him of his boy. And then the tip of a nose trails along his neck, just like Harry used to do, and instead of Louis pulling away as intended, he melts into it. 

“Hello, beautiful,” A voice murmurs in his ear, a deep, slow voice that has Louis gasping and leaning back even more. He turns his head to look over his shoulder at his dance partner and he’s suddenly absolutely certain, he must be dreaming. Or maybe he’s died and this is heaven. He doesn’t really care at the moment as long as he gets to stay here for as long as possible.

“Harry,” he breathes, pushing his arse into the other boy’s groin.

Harry smirks at him. “And what’s your name, gorgeous?” he asks and just like that, it feels like Louis has been doused in ice cold water. He steps back.

This isn’t his Harry. This Harry doesn’t even know him. But god, how Louis misses him. 

“Um, L-Louis,” the answer stumbles from his lips, sounding as unsure as he feels.

The lust in Harry’s eyes dims a bit as it’s replaced with concern. “Hey, you okay?” He asks, grasping Louis’ bicep as though maybe he needs to keep him steady. 

The concern touches him and makes him think that maybe this Harry is not so far from his own. 

“Yeah,” Louis breathes, giving him a shy grin as he moves closer again. “I’m good.”

“Sure?” Harry checks but the fire is burning in his eyes again. 

“Positive.” Louis starts dancing again, luring Harry in with the way he moves his hips, the way he catches his gaze and holds it.

Harry’s hands pull him in closer until they’re pressed flush against each other, each of them able to feel how turned on the other is. “Fuck. I want you,” Harry whispers in his ear after only a few minutes delicious grinding. 

“You have me,” Louis breathes, feeling the words with every wisp of his soul, knowing the truth of them. Harry will always have him in any universe. 

“Loo?” Harry asks, already reaching for Louis’ hand. 

“Yeah,” Louis agrees, unable and unwilling to fight his body’s yearning to be touched by Harry one last time. He knows that’s all it will be, one last time, but he wants it.

Harry leads them, moving swiftly through the crowd until they’re safely closed into a stall where he presses Louis up against the door, kissing him hungrily. 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Louis whimpers, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and holding him tight, deepening the kiss and taking dominion over it. This Harry doesn’t kiss quite the same. He’s learned differently because Louis wasn’t here to kiss him a million times and show him the perfect way to take Louis apart with nothing but his mouth. But Louis is here now. 

Harry seems to be like it, Louis taking control and telling him what he wants with his tongue, with his body. His hands grope desperately, begging Louis to take it further, to give him permission to have this. 

“What do you want, darling?” Louis pulls back to ask breathlessly. 

“I want to taste you,” Harry says, leaning in to offer another quick kiss before asking, “can I blow you?”

“You can have whatever you want, love,” Louis replies, undoing his trousers as Harry moans at his answer, dropping to his knees. He waits for Louis to pull himself out and looks up at him, hungry eyes seemingly watching for permission, so Louis puts his tip right on the edge of Harry’s lower lip. “Go on, darling.”

Harry closes his eyes and swallows him down immediately, making Louis clutch at the walls of the stall and curse how good it feels. He reaches down to run his fingers through Harry’s hair and that has Harry humming in satisfaction. 

“Doing so well, baby. So perfect for me,” Louis murmurs, just like he used to when his Harry did this. Harry always did enjoy being praised. And this Harry is no different, it seems, as he hums something on the verge of a whimper and redoubles his efforts to make Louis feel good. 

“Harry,” Louis gasps, tugging Harry’s hair to let him know that he’s close, but Harry just opens his eyes and looks up at him. His watery eyes watch as Louis’s jaw drops, eyes closing tight while his orgasm rushes through him so forcefully that his knees feel weak. “Fuck,” he whispers in wonder as a smirking Harry stands once more.

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

“Thank you,” Harry says, pressing a kiss to his lips sweetly. “That was fun.”

“Well, don’t go anywhere,” Louis laughs lightly, ticking himself back into his trousers. “I’m happy to return the favor.’

“I’m good actually,” Harry says, showing Louis his messy hand before reaching for some toilet paper to clean it off. He grins at Louis. “It’s nice to know you’re not a selfish lover though. Thank you.”

“It’s only fair,” Louis shrugs with a half-smile, trying not to let it show that he’s disappointed he didn’t get to at least touch Harry too. 

Harry nods in agreement, eyes scanning Louis’ face thoughtfully. “Can I ask you for a favor?”

“Of course,” Louis answers, brushing his fringe out of his eyes. Honestly, he’d be happy to do whatever Harry bids him do. “What is it?”

Harry stares for a few more seconds, his nerves showing as he takes a shaky breath. “Please don’t tell anyone about this,” he winces at himself, holding out a hand like he’s afraid Louis’ going to walk out on him due to the request. “It’s not you,” he assures urgently. “It’s just, I’m not officially… out. Or anything, so. Please, can we keep this to ourselves?”

Louis takes in his wide eyes, suddenly frightened of what they’ve done, like it’s just hit him how dangerous this is, letting a stranger in on his biggest secret. It makes Louis think maybe this isn’t something Harry lets himself do often and that makes him feel better about where they are, makes him feel like maybe he’s special. 

“I promise,” he answers, reaching out to squeeze Harry’s arm lightly. “I’d never do that to anyone. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Harry smiles and kisses Louis one more time. Louis savors it, gripping the back of Harry’s neck to hold onto it just a little longer. 

“Thank you,” Harry tells him one last time before slipping out of the stall. 

Louis lets him go, listening to him wash his hands and then waiting until he’s sure Harry is gone to drop his head into his hands. He feels a tear slip down his cheek but he hurriedly wipes it away, sniffing once before exiting the stall himself. He washes his hands and splashes some water on his face before going back out into the club. 

Almost immediately, he’s accosted by one of Harry’s people telling him that he’s required to sign an NDA about whatever went down in the loo and if he tells anyone he can expect to hear from Harry’s lawyers. It leaves Louis feeling used and like maybe their encounter wasn’t as special as he’d thought it was. Why even ask him not to tell if he knew Louis would just be forced to sign an NDA anyway?

Louis signs the damn paper without a fuss. He’d never tell, there’s no reason not to sign it. But now he needs a drink. 

When he gets to the bar, he finds his friends all grouped together and feels a bit better for a split second until one of them notices him.

“Louis!” Niall bellows happily, “guess who we found!”

Everyone turns to face him, the space opening up enough for him to see the one familiar face they’re all circled around. 

Harry.

And he doesn’t look happy to see Louis standing there.


	12. Twelve

Fear. That’s what Louis sees in Harry’s eyes as their friends introduce them to one another.

“Nice to meet you,” Louis says, reaching out a hand for Harry to shake as though they’re the complete strangers they were before meeting each other on the dancefloor. He realizes that this Harry must have never told Liam and Niall that he’s gay. Maybe they never got that close here. Maybe without a Louis for him to fall in love with, it just never came up. He’s still largely in the closet here and even if Louis isn’t sure of their footing, he’s not going to break his promise to keep Harry’s secret.

Harry smiles at him, eyes soft, smile sweet as he shakes Louis’ hand, giving it a grateful squeeze. “It’s really nice to meet you too.”

“It’s so good to see you, man!” Liam says, patting Harry on the back and drawing his attention away from Louis.

“Yeah, you too,” Harry agrees. “Hey, I have a private booth in the back. Do you guys want to get drinks and head back there? It’s quieter so we can catch up without having to shout over the music.”

Everyone agrees and they all order drinks, following Harry back toward his private booth. Once there, they scoot into the circular booth and someone closes the curtain that’s there to help block the outside noises. Louis doesn’t notice who because he’s too busy noticing that Harry has scooted in beside him.

“I know you're busy, mate, but couldn’t you have at least _texted_ after the 800 messages I’ve left with your assistant?” Niall complains to Harry playfully as they get settled.

“What messages?” Harry asks, seeming genuinely confused. “I haven’t gotten any messages.”

“Harry, I’ve called like a thousand times,” Niall answers, looking at the other boys and Liam nods in agreement.

“Me too, H,” he states. 

Zayn gives a mildly lazy hand raise, admitting, “Me too a few times.”

Harry blinks at them, finally closing his eyes with a frustrated sigh. “Fucking Simon,” he grumbles. “He’s controlled every aspect of my life for the past ten years but apparently that’s not enough for him.”

“What do you mean?” Stan asks, the only one who’s never been under the thumb of Simon Cowell before. 

“He’s a fucking vulture, man,” Zayn informs him, looking pityingly at Harry. He can only imagine how bad it must be for him. He’d gotten a good enough glimpse of the shit Simon puts his artists through in the two years he’d been in One Direction, but he hadn’t had to endure it for 10 years. “He only cares about making money and if there’s anything about you that could keep him from making it, he makes you change it.”

“I had my hair bleached when we got signed and he made me keep doing it ‘so the fans wouldn’t get confused’ or some shit,” Niall explains with a roll of his eyes.

“I’m bisexual,” Zayn admits throwing a quick glance at Liam before looking away again. “I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.”

“I’m gay,” Harry says quietly, like maybe it’s the first time he’s explicitly said it out loud. “Been stuck in the closet with the boring, colorless shit they make me wear ever since the band signed a contract with him. I shouldn’t have done it again. I made a deal with the fucking devil because I just wanted to keep making music.” He rests his elbows on the table and puts his head in his hands. “I can’t even grow out my fucking hair.”

“Shit, Harry,” Niall says, reaching over to offer a comforting touch, resting his hand on Harry’s shoulder. Louis wants to do the same. He had an idea that Harry was going through something similar, but hearing it out loud hurts his heart a million times worse. 

Harry raises his head and, even in the dim lighting, Louis can tell his eyes are red-rimmed. “My contract is almost up. They probably thought you guys were a threat to them getting me to sign again.”

“Are you going to sign again?” Zayn questions, watching Harry warily. Maybe he’s thinking the same thing Louis is. Wondering if Harry can survive this kind of life for much longer, even with the highs that come with it. The lows can get really fucking low.

“Not if I can help it,” Harry answers, gaze glued to the table.

Louis recognizes that answer, and the refusal to meet anyone’s eyes, for what it is. He’s not sure any of the other boys do, but he’s been in the position Harry is in. The same one that made him wish away his life and end up in this alternate one. Stuck, swearing he’ll never sign another contract, until they find a way to make him.

Louis can’t help it, he can’t not comfort the boy his heart still beats for. He puts his hand on Harry’s thigh, squeezing lightly when Harry turns to look at him. “Whatever they throw at you. You can beat them. I believe in you.”

Harry studies Louis’ face, taking in the sincerity in his eyes, the way he seems to know just how deep the turmoil in Harry’s heart is. “Thank you,” he says softly, putting his hand down over the top of Louis’. 

Louis smiles and it seems contagious, Harry smiling back as they stare at each other. Louis’ sure he’s got hearts in his eyes. 

“Ahem,” Stan clears his throat. “You know, it’s getting late. I should probably get home to Bailey.”

Harry blinks, turning to look at the table at large, seeming to realize that he and Louis aren’t the only two people who exist. “Right, yeah,” he says, “sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the fun.”

“No, no,” Stan assures him, scooting out of the booth when the others get up for him. “I’m glad you guys got to have a reunion. Probably the best birthday gift for Louis, getting to see his favorite band all together again. At least, his favorite members anyway,” he says, throwing Louis some dorky finger guns with a wink. “And I got a taste of high life,” he adds, motioning at the private booth. “I had a blast.”

“I’m glad,” Harry grins, shaking Stan’s hand and looking at Louis as the others hug him goodbye. “It’s your birthday?”

“Tomorrow,” Louis answers, smirking. “He’s not wrong about the gift though. Was a good one.”

Harry looks surprised. “So you really are a One Direction fan?”

“Oh, the biggest,” Louis tells him honestly, patting his leg where his hand is still resting.

“You’re just full of surprises,aren’t you?” Harry murmurs, a spark of desire in his eyes.

“I like to think so.”

“Bye, Lou,” Stan says. “Happy Birthday.”

“Hang on, I didn’t get my hug in.” He shoos a laughing Harry out of the booth so that he can get out and embrace his childhood best friend. “Thanks for coming out.”

“Like I’d miss this.”

Stan's exit seems to make Harry realize that they’ll probably all be parting ways soon. “Hey, I’m not ready to say goodbye to you guys, yet. Do you want to head back to my place? Anyone who wants to can crash there for the night.”

They all agree that they’re not ready for their reunion to end either.

“You too?” Harry asks Louis hopefully. 

“Yeah, I’d love to.” Louis feels a little breathless at the look in Harry’s eyes. Like there’s possibility there. 

“Great,” Harry grins softly. 

So, they all pile into Harry’s car and head back to Harry’s house where they laugh and reminisce for another or before Zayn begs off, going in search of a bedroom to claim, too tired to carry on. It’s not long before Niall and Liam head off too, Niall insisting on giving Louis a hug since it’s technically his birthday now. 

“‘Night, Lou. Happy Birthday.”

“Thanks, Niall,” Louis says, enjoying the warmth in his friend’s embrace. 

“No, thank you,” Niall says, ruffling Louis’ hair as he pulls away. “Without you, none of us would be here. You brought us together again. ”

“You’ve had too much to drink,” Louis snorts, pushing Niall gently, playfully away from him. 

“I’m serious, Lou. You made this possible,” Niall mutters pointing at Louis as he backs his way out of the room, not denying the fact that he’s definitely off his arse. “Think about it.”

Louis shakes his head fondly. He doesn’t mention being tired, he’s not quite ready to leave Harry yet.

“You have a lovely home, Harry,” Louis tells him, looking around at everything in the room. There’s fine art on the walls and pretty decorative pillows on the furniture. It is lovely, but it feels devoid of life at the same time.

“Do you want to see my favorite part?” Harry asks, he looks shy, uncertain of himself as stands from his sofa, offering his hand to Louis. 

Louis takes it, of course he does. It fits in his own perfectly, just like it always has and Harry smiles at him, leading Louis up a staircase and into his bedroom.

Louis almost makes a wisecrack about Harry just wanting to get him into bed but it doesn’t feel right, and Harry doesn’t stop at the bed anyway. He keeps going towards a set of double doors that lead out onto a balcony. 

The balcony overlooks a large, beautiful garden full of flowers and shrubbery cut into fantastical shapes. It’s incredible, and Louis can understand why Harry would love it. It’s the only thing Louis’ seen that actually shows Harry’s personality. 

“That’s gorgeous, Harry,” Louis says, still taking it all in.

“Thank you, but that’s not what we’re here for,” Harry replies warmly, gently tilting Louis’ chin up.

Above them is a sea full of bright, twinkling stars and Louis realizes that Harry was right. This is even better, but even as beautiful as it is, it can’t hold a candle to Harry’s wonderfilled face in the moonlight.

“You can always see the stars from here,” Harry murmurs, eyes fixed on the sky. 

Louis’ eyes fix on Harry. He’s the only star Louis needs to see.

Harry must feel his gaze because he turns from the stars to catch Louis staring. He smiles softly, a spark of something in his eyes. Maybe it’s mischief, but it looks too tender for that. “You know, when I saw you tonight, out on that dance floor, I couldn’t help but be drawn to you.” he says, taking a slow, deliberate step closer to Louis. “I feel like I know you. Is that crazy?”

“No,” Louis answers, reaching for Harry’s waist. Resting his hands there confidently, ready to pull Harry closer any time he asks. “Maybe you did, in another life.”

“I want to know you in this one.” Harry bends, lips ghosting over Louis’ until Louis closes the gap, kissing him softly.

They walk, still kissing as Harry carefully leads Louis backwards until they can lie down on the bed, kisses slow and unhurried. Their lips meet again and again for long moments, sharing a sweet connection that doesn’t beg to be more, as they hold each other. 

Eventually, they grow breathless, lips breaking apart but bodies staying tangled together. Harry smiles at Louis, gaze roaming over his face tenderly. “I really like you.”

“I like you, too, Harry.”

Harry’s smile grows a little wider and then he closes his eyes, resting his forehead against Louis’, content to go to sleep like this.

“Can I ask you something?” Louis asks, afraid to ruin their perfect bubble of contentment but unable to keep quiet when one question has been running over his mind all night. “Why did you ask me to keep quiet about what happened between us?”

“Um,” Harry blinks in confusion. “I thought I told you. I’m not out, so-”

“No, I know that part. But then they made me sign that NDA after and I just wondered-” He cuts himself off when the confusion on Harry’s face turns to frustration.

“Fucking Simon,” Harry mutters, pressing his forehead to Louis’ again but this time it’s not a sweet act of connection, it’s a way to steady himself from the force of his emotions.

“You didn’t know.”

Harry shakes his head, confirming what Louis already guessed. “I only ask people to sign NDA’s if they do or say something that makes me feel like I can’t trust them.”

“But you trusted me?” Louis asks quietly, heart stuttering at the knowledge.  
  
Harry lifts his head to meet Louis’ eyes, his own shining with wonder. “I did. I do. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like anything is possible with you. Like _you_ make it possible.”

Niall’s words from earlier come echoing back to him. 

_“Without you, none of us would be here.”_

_“You made this possible.”_

“If I do, it’s only because I have all of you,” he says, probably a bit nonsensically to a man who’s only known him for a single night, but he’s not just talking to this Harry. He’s talking to the one he left a year in the past and a universe away. To the Niall and Liam and Zayn he left behind too. “I need you,” he says, kissing Harry to show him just how much. 

It’s true. He needs them. In whatever form, with whatever baggage they may come with. It doesn’t matter. He needs them. And maybe, he’s realizing, just maybe, they need him too.


	13. Thirteen

Did they go to sleep kissing? Louis thinks as he wakes to the feel of lips on his own. It’s not a bad way to be coaxed out of sleep.

“Mmm, Hazza,” Louis murmurs, kissing him again and letting his hands tangle in Harry’s hair. His somewhat long hair. Wait, what? 

Louis’ eyes shoot open as he pulls away from Harry with a gasp.

“I’m sorry, Lou,” _his_ Harry says, pressing his face into Louis’ cheek. He’s leaning over the hotel bed Louis fell asleep in a year ago, his hands grasping Louis’ neck as he apologizes for their fight. “I shouldn’t have walked out like that. I shouldn’t have got mad at you and left you to start your birthday alone. Happy Birthday, by the way. Though now it doesn’t feel genuine. God, Lou, I’m just so sorry.”

“Harry,” Louis breathes, heart pounding with adrenaline as he realizes where he is, squeezing Harry to his chest in relief. “Oh my god, baby. I’m sorry too. So fucking sorry. For everything. God, I’m so glad to have you back.” 

“Of course, I’m back,” Harry says, pulling back from Louis, looking at him worriedly. “Did you think I wouldn’t come back?”

“I don’t know,” Louis shrugs, remembering their fight vividly even though it feels so long ago. Was it? Did he dream the alternate universe he’d gone to? “I guess I was worried that one day you’d tire of putting up with my shit.”

“Fuck, baby. I don’t care how mad I get, I will always come back to you,” Harry tells him earnestly. “You need to know that, Lou. I love you. There is no me without you.”

Louis’ eyes tear up immediately upon hearing that. He remembers the way he’d never felt completely whole in a world where he and Harry weren’t together. He tugs Harry back to him, once again wrapping him in a tight embrace. “Me too, Harry. I feel the exact same way.”

After spending the day cuddling his boy, Louis calls up Liam and Niall to wish them a Happy Christmas and, though he knows it’s late notice, to check if maybe they might be around to meet up for a drink with the birthday boy at the hotel bar. Miraculously, they’re both available and agree to meet him and Harry at nine. 

Next, he calls Zayn and tries to mend some fences. By the end of the call, they’re not best friends again, but they’ve both made apologies that might help bridge the gap between them and Louis is happy to know that they’re taking a step in the right direction. Life is too short to hold stupid grudges.

When Niall and Liam show up later, Louis hugs them both a little too tight and offers to buy their first drink. 

Down the bar, Louis sees Clarence, the bartender, putting a familiar blue drink down in front of a sad looking fellow. His eyes narrow as he recognizes the drink, it had tasted very bittersweet if he remembers correctly. His eyes go from the drink to meet Clarence’s and the fucker looks directly at him and _winks_.

Louis’s jaw drops and he’s a little offended by the way Clarence laughs, but Louis can’t deny that whatever Clarence did to him, Louis learned a valuable lesson from it. 

Sometimes people need to see what they’re missing to realize what they’ve got. 

His life isn’t perfect, but it’s his. He’s come to the conclusion that things happen for a reason. They must. Fate or destiny or _something,_ put him in One Direction and he’s not going to question that decision ever again.

His birthday and everything that’s come of it have been strange and weird and, in the long run, wonderful. He got everything he wanted, and everything he didn’t want. And now he knows the difference. 

He has his family and his boys and the love of his life, and well, it just doesn’t get any better than that. Louis sees now that he never should have wished for anything different. 

Who needs wishes, anyway, when you already have everything you could ever want? 

Wherever life takes him next, up or down, or to another universe entirely, he knows that things will be okay. 

“Hey,” Harry says, discreetly taking Louis’ hand and rubbing his thumb over Louis’ knuckles, as he breaks Louis out of his thoughts. “Where’d you go just now?”

“Nowhere,” Louis answers with a heartfelt grin, his heart full to bursting. “I’m right here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me through this! I hope you liked it!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
